How often I forget...to give thanks.

Psalm 143: 6,8

I spread out my hands to You, my soul longs for You like a thirsty land, cause me to hear Your loving kindness in the morning, For in You do I trust; cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to you.

--How often I forget my need for the Lord. How often I believe that I can do it. As soon as I feel I've learned something, I stop relying on Him for it. Ceasing to ask anything of Him in prayer because I really think that qualities such as self-control and wisdom can be learned on my own. If I can just do this...or refrain from doing that, then I will have these things. How foolish! It's so critical for us to know that EVERYTHING which we receive comes from the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

2 Thessalonians 2:13

But we are bound to give thanks to God always for you, brethren, beloved by the Lord, because God from the beginning chose you for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth.

--How often I forget that I didn't have the power to choose God. I must thank him for choosing me to be His follower. I must thank Him for sending people to open my eyes to His truth. I must thank Him for Jesus, for without whom I would forever be in separation from God. I must thank Him for strengthening me in His word and building me up. Thank Him for tools such as Campus Outreach for discipleship. Thank Him for the body that He has surrounded me with. Thank him for the missional heart and girls He has put in my path. Thank Him for all that He is. Constantly. Acknowledging His providence. Acknowledging that He is the source of all things. Praying for humility to always be thankful to Him for what He does in my life understanding that I deserve nothing from Him, when so often I just expect it. So let us take heed to this command, and without ceasing, give thanks to He who chose us through sanctification. It is His will.

Brokenes and Burden.

Not much to be said here. Just much to reflect upon. Mostly His grace which is sufficient, His strength which is perfect in weakness, His love and His mercy.

The past two days have just left me hurting for people around me. Seeing things from within rather than so objectively as before. Being effected by situations that I've always known to be injustice but never felt as a burning anger or overwhelming sadness.

These things are not mine to hold. I am to capitulate them to the Lord as I take on others' burdens. He gives me others' rocks to carry so that I can bring them to Him. For those not yet strong enough to come on their own.

I need truth to fight the lies that so easily tell me God doesn't care. I know He does in my heart. I've seen it in my life. But there are moments, watching other people as they fight off depression and suicide and hearing stories of murder and rape...this is when "trustworthy" is hard to believe. So truth? Yes. Let's search for some.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weakness...Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain merce and find grace to help in a time of need. Hebrews 4: 15-16

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. 2 Corinthians 4: 16-17

In the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast...God that performeth all things for me...my heart is fixed: I will sing and I will give praise. Psalm 57

That last one is a doozy. That's the truth we must cling to. And in the end, praise Him.

I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face

Wow, what an incredible day.

The Lord gave me rest.

Rest in Him.

To sit in His presence for the first time in a long time.

Just that small taste...has left me wanting more.

Last night I had a very encouraging conversation with a dear friend and he reminded me to go back to the basics. Sometimes I just get so caught up in wanting to do what's right that I forget why. I forget where the Lord has brought me--from, through and to. We brainstormed 10 things God has taught us in the last year. Then proposed the challenge to line each lesson with a bible verse or two, and post it somewhere where we would constantly be reminded of what He's done. This morning I spent some time going through the first three on our list. (they are in no particular order of importance as they are all important).

1) God forgives everything, no matter how stupid I am. He will never let me go.

2) Praise the Creator--not the creation.

3) Relationships should always be pushing us closer to Him.

The verses the Lord showed me through these topics set up my day to really just reflect on Him and how worthy of praise He is. Wednesday is usually my super long day filled with classes from 10-6 but my extra long class was cancelled today, so I had some free time. Grabbed coffee with a dear friend and had some super encouraging conversation. Came back to my room...and thought...hey I have like an hour, what can I do? Clear as day I just heard the Lord calling me to come sit and be with Him. So...in my new journal I bought yesterday :)...I started talking with Him. As I got to the subject of China and reminding Him that I wanted to obey Him and seek Him...it hit me...like a ton of bricks. It's like he flat out said BA...you haven't even asked me. I am so caught up in going about making this decision in the right way and following His will and telling Him that's what I want to do that I forgot the reason behind it all in the beginning. Christ's love compels me. My Father loves me. That is why I love Him back. It isn't about performing for Him, that comes when I love Him. I kept wondering why such a disconnect between us lately. It's because I haven't just talked with Him. At Him? yes. Towards Him? Def. But In all of this "trying to do the right thing" I didn't even ask Him what it was. How foolish am I? Where are my motives? I finally asked Him if He wanted me to go to China. Although I don't know if He's given me an answer yet, I immediately felt His presence fill me. It was the most real sensation I've felt from Him in a long time. He doesn't want my sacrifices. He doesn't want my words. He just wants me to sit in His presence. Why do I always make it more than that?

Then tonight my friend Cory spoke at Campus Outreach. We are doing a series called American Idols in which we explore the common things we put above God from our society. The first week was image, the second, approval. This week's dealt with comfort. Man did the Holy Spirit convict. He used Matthew 19:16-26 where Jesus commands a rich man to sell everything. The man just couldn't. He saw to much value in the things He had. He couldn't see Jesus as more valuable than giving up everything for. Cory talked about how we don't want to give up anything. We want to have Jesus and everything else too. But these things keep us from intimacy with God...is it worth it? I don't see how anything could be worth that. Revelation 3:14-22 talks about the Lukewarm (comfortable) church. They want to take what they have and buy salvation, they can't see that it's worth more than anything we can ever have. Luke 19:1-9 talks about a rich man (Zacchaeus) gives up all that he has after understanding the value of Jesus. He saw that getting Jesus means getting everything. I couldn't help but ask the questions: What does it look like in my life to be uncomfortable? What am I holding onto? What, if the Lord commanded me to give up, would make me hesitate?

Some things to sift through.

The other resource God is teaching me through is a book by Elisabeth Elliot (late wife of Jim Elliot) called Passion and Purity. It has been incredible. Essentially it searches how to pursue a life of purity under Christ's control. The Lord is RADICALLY changing my mindset in this area. Just want to pull out a few quotes from that to leave you with:

There is dullness, monotony, sheer boredom in all of life when virginity and purity are no longer protected and prized. By trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere.

O Love, that wilt not let me go,

I rest my wear soul in Thee;

I give Thee back the life I owe,

That in Thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be.

-George Matheson

If there is an Enemy of Souls, one thing he cannot abide is the desire for purity. Hence a man or woman's passions become his battleground. The Lover of Souls does not prevent this...He wants us to learn to use our weapons.

I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face--Elizabeth Clephane

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God

(put on a whole new meaning while reading this book)

He gives all.

He asks all.

Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His Lordship.

What is the Wise thing to do?

So...I haven't blogged in a while. In fact, at the moment I have a blog just waiting in my drafts to be published...but it isn't finished. It's regarding all that I learned at beach project, which is probably why it isn't finished--so much to process through.

so life update.

Well, the Lord has been doing TONS here at the Berry College. Most of all, expanding my ministry missionally. He has just put so many opportunities in my path to share the gospel on a regular basis and pour into others' lives. By His grace, my friends and I are actively seeking Him and sharing His love to the world. It has been incredible. Still tons to pray for. That our ministries continue to flourish and we continue to depend on the Lord's grace. That the hearts of the people on this campus be receptive. That the men's ministry on our campus continue to grow as the Lord strengthens men to lead us in ministry. Most of all, in all of this, that God go before us and prepare the way. Using Exodus 32-33, our leaders have encouraged us to adopt these verses as our mindset in ministry and personal growth. In this, we pray for the Lord to reveal to us the things we worship more than God--seeing our sinfulness. As well as refusing to do what God wants without His presence--begging Him to come with us and go before us.

Recently I was presented with a pretty incredible opportunity to serve the Lord and the process in which He revealed this opportunity was so reflective of His glory. About two weeks ago, I really felt the Lord calling me to pray for my summer and begin searching opportunities to serve Him and further His kingdom. I looked into a few options and realized that, more than anything, I wanted to do something more missional with my summer. Last Wednesday I had a meeting where Kevin, our Campus Outreach area Director, presented the opportunity to me and a handful of my other friends to go to China for 6 weeks and establish a CO connection there with the students and city in Nanjing, China. Here, we would have biblical training in the mornings and in the afternoons we would establish relationships with the students through english tutoring and campus visits in order to further advance the good news.

Also, last week, I listened to the first of a series of sermons by Andy Stanley titled "The Best Question Ever" in which Andy Stanley discusses making decisions based off the question "What is the Wise thing to do?" He uses Ephesians 5:15 as the biblical reference. He talks about how choosing wisdom is a high standard, the opposite of culture and so we are to not be foolish or careless and the verse COMMANDS us to know what the will of the Lord is. He talks about how we deceive ourselves too often and that we just need to face-up to the fact that God has something bigger in mind for us. So there are three parts to this question. What is the wise thing to do:

1. in light of my past experience

2. in light of my current circumstances

3. in light of my future hopes and dreams

We are to answer honestly and have the courage to follow through. We are to ask ourselves what it is within us that refuses to do what we know will take us where we want to go. It isn't necessarily what the right or wrong thing is, but what the wise thing is.

At this point, I do not sense a full yes or no from the Lord as I feel He is using this time for us to draw nearer to one another and strengthen our intimacy. For now, I ask for prayer as I discern what the wise decision is here. I also ask that you pray as I will be raising support if, indeed the Lord does ask me to go. I pray that you ask the Lord how you can help serve, whether through finance or prayer. I also encourage you to ask yourself, in all decisions, big or small, What is the Wise thing to do??

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5