Psalm 27:11-14 Teach me your way O LORD, and lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies. Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries; For false witnesses have risen against me, and such as breathe out violence. Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD.
God is teaching me so much about patience and waiting [and by waiting I mean serving while listening] lately, it's overwhelming. I always correlated patience with struggle and dis-contentedness because it is the place I struggle with most. In being such a control freak, when everything is on my time line, I am a happy camper; but throw that off and my fuse gets pretty short. However, on my journey to learning what it means to love with Christ's love, I learned that patience is key and since then I've been trying to apply it to all parts of my life. The biggest struggle comes to dealing with my future, more specifically the possibility of a husband. Yet, the closer I've grown to the Lord the more I've realized what a blessing waiting can be. Upon understanding the purpose behind waiting and being patience, I have developed such a peace for where I am in life. Some incredible girls are in my life and constantly encouraging me but the world is constantly trying to prove to me how insane I am. When I found the verse from above I couldn't help but dwell on the portion about the will of my adversaries. The will of the world so much encompasses the opposite of God's will and it is constantly thrown in my face. Especially with the subject I'm dealing with at the moment. What a comfort it is to know that HE will strengthen my heart if I wait [serve] on Him. Only in Him is strength enough to overcome the violence breathed out by the world, the lies that tell me the path I'm supposed to follow. Right now I am resting in His strength and am comforted.
Here's a little John Waller lining up so perfectly with my prayer to the Lover of my soul:
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Lord I lift my friend to you...
In learning about how to love I've also learned its effects...and sometimes lack there of. I found out that you can, through Christ, love someone unconditionally, asking for nothing in return till you are blue in the face and sometimes it still doesn't seem to get through. And through the discouragement you receive from a lack of response, it is so draining and easy to give up. But Paul points out in 2 Corinthians that anything we do is nothing without love. Love fulfills everything and truly makes things work. Therefore, though I can't see it, the love I'm sharing isn't being ignored. Just maybe suppressed. I also know that when I'm discouraged, it means I'm trying to carry the burden of a friend on my own shoulders...but i'm not capable of handling such a thing. Instead, I give that burden to Christ and allow him to fill me so that I may fill her. I never knew love was so complicating or so important when it comes to your faith in Christ and the lifestyle I've chosen to live...but all I can do is lift her to Him
Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Complicated circumstances have clouded her view
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
I fear that I won't have the words that he needs to hear
I pray for Your wisdom, oh God, and a heart that's sincere
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
Lord, I lift my friend to You
My best friend in the world, I know she means much more to You
I want so much to help her, but this is something she has to do
And Lord, I lift my friend up to You
'cause there's a way that seems so right to her
But You know where that leads
She's becoming a puppet of the world, too blind to see the strings
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
My friend up to You
Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Some lyrics perfectly constructed by the Lord through Casting Crowns. Beautifully said.
Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Complicated circumstances have clouded her view
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
I fear that I won't have the words that he needs to hear
I pray for Your wisdom, oh God, and a heart that's sincere
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
Lord, I lift my friend to You
My best friend in the world, I know she means much more to You
I want so much to help her, but this is something she has to do
And Lord, I lift my friend up to You
'cause there's a way that seems so right to her
But You know where that leads
She's becoming a puppet of the world, too blind to see the strings
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
My friend up to You
Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Some lyrics perfectly constructed by the Lord through Casting Crowns. Beautifully said.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Just because I don't want to work on my essay...
So...I find it odd that I love to write when I'm not forced....but such is life. I've nothing significant to say, just want to get my mind into a writing mood so that, perchance, I will be able to write a bit of my lil essay...and by lil I mean Hellish. So anywho, let's see what to write what to write. Well, Just got back from Easter with the fam....that's not really a subject I care to discuss....so let's talk about potential summer plans. Option number one: Summer Beach Project. Pro's--personal growth in Christ, discipleship, Evangelism, spending all summer with Megan and Abby...Cons--beach all summer, set schedule, rules, commitment....Hard to see what weighs more at the moment. Option two: Virginia. What's in Virginia you may ask? Well, nothing dealing with school or work, and that's pretty appealing in and of itself. Pro's--working with children all summer, ministry, escaping current life, Andrew (that's a big one), being in a new environment, not having a set schedule, being able to come home if I need to....Cons--where does my spiritual growth fit in (not to say it doesn't, just not sure where it is at the moment), kinda far away (which I guess could be a pro or con), looks like I'm making decisions based off a fella (which is not the case), Don't really know anyone....Option three, stay at home---haha yea....not gonna happen.
So anywho, I miss Rebecca Phillips alot. She has been studying abroad in Scotland all semester and I feel like her being right down the hall is something I miss tremendously. However, we get to be roommates next year and...Well, it's worth the wait.
I've come to the conclusion that my mom is straight up, my number one hero. It has just been so apparent to me lately the sacrifices she makes and how unnoticed they go. Her examples as a friend, wife, and mother all provide great standards to how I hope to live my life in each of those categories. I want so badly to be a mommy and a wifey. Actually, I'm kinda cool with just being a mommy but I kinda need the wifey role first I guess. I'm not there yet. I am just ready for the next stage of life. I don't want to wish it all away, yet I do. I mean, I want to truly cherish the time God gives me and grab hold of every opportunity He presents, but life is hard and I just keep idealizing the future. It's such an endless cycle. I remember being in high school and just wishing I could be in college. Now I am in college just wishing I could be in the next phase. What is wrong with me? I feel like this is a common trend among people in general, especially folk my age. I guess it's because we are in such a limbo-stage right now. College isn't new and exciting anymore, just hard; and as we are almost halfway finished, the end is near and our futures are on the horizon. I have a feeling once I reach that coveted place where the sun meets the earth however, that I will wish I could go back to where I am right now...and cherish it. I feel like a cra cra. I just wanna enjoy life. Cherish every moment. But that is such a fantasy because it is so hard to enjoy school. It is such a pain in the you know what. So, I just need to suck it up, get over myself, and find joy even when it seems impossible. I must cling to Christ, surrounded by encouraging people and focus. focus. focus!
Well that was motivating...so motivating that I'm going to not write my essay and go to bed...holding it off for yet another day.
But first, let's talk bout the possibility of love. So I'm the cynical one, believing whole heartedly that love is only for the few fortunate ones and that seeking companionship is my best bet. Damn you Jane Austen and your ideals of romance, Emma had it right marrying her best friend. That's pretty much been my mentality for the past six years or so. Keep my heart closed and don't get hurt right? Well then in waltzed this lil guy, young and naive. I didn't even have him on my radar. He fooled me. I fell and I fell hard. I was so angry. I don't know if I was more angry for letting someone in foolishly and allowing myself to get hurt or more angry at the fact that I was right all along and the only one who could not break my heart was Jesus. So far, I'm right. I decided that after that, I was done with love for good; no guy could be the guy I pictured in my head. That was fantasy, and we live in a world of reality. so... I decided I was done looking. But apparently I was not done being found. After 5 years of hardly any communication with one another, in walks mister perfect himself. The fella in my head, but in the flesh. Too good to be true? That's what my head is telling me. And although my heart thinks different, my noggin has a better track record. So for now, I am attempting to listen to my head hoping that he will prove me wrong. I want to believe in love. I do. Because I see so many examples of 60 year marriages and they are still so in love...but I also know that I can't go wrong with marrying someone I love dearly as a friend. It's a lot less risky. So many walls. But I fear he has the right tools for tearing them down...and that scares me to death. For now, we are playing catch up. 5 years and little contact begs for some get to know you time. So, I am working on falling more in love with Jesus and waiting to see if true love between a man and woman exists. and if it does, what in the world does it look like? Number 9 on the bucket list? Get married to the love of my life. Let's see if I get to cross that one off.
So anywho, I miss Rebecca Phillips alot. She has been studying abroad in Scotland all semester and I feel like her being right down the hall is something I miss tremendously. However, we get to be roommates next year and...Well, it's worth the wait.
I've come to the conclusion that my mom is straight up, my number one hero. It has just been so apparent to me lately the sacrifices she makes and how unnoticed they go. Her examples as a friend, wife, and mother all provide great standards to how I hope to live my life in each of those categories. I want so badly to be a mommy and a wifey. Actually, I'm kinda cool with just being a mommy but I kinda need the wifey role first I guess. I'm not there yet. I am just ready for the next stage of life. I don't want to wish it all away, yet I do. I mean, I want to truly cherish the time God gives me and grab hold of every opportunity He presents, but life is hard and I just keep idealizing the future. It's such an endless cycle. I remember being in high school and just wishing I could be in college. Now I am in college just wishing I could be in the next phase. What is wrong with me? I feel like this is a common trend among people in general, especially folk my age. I guess it's because we are in such a limbo-stage right now. College isn't new and exciting anymore, just hard; and as we are almost halfway finished, the end is near and our futures are on the horizon. I have a feeling once I reach that coveted place where the sun meets the earth however, that I will wish I could go back to where I am right now...and cherish it. I feel like a cra cra. I just wanna enjoy life. Cherish every moment. But that is such a fantasy because it is so hard to enjoy school. It is such a pain in the you know what. So, I just need to suck it up, get over myself, and find joy even when it seems impossible. I must cling to Christ, surrounded by encouraging people and focus. focus. focus!
Well that was motivating...so motivating that I'm going to not write my essay and go to bed...holding it off for yet another day.
But first, let's talk bout the possibility of love. So I'm the cynical one, believing whole heartedly that love is only for the few fortunate ones and that seeking companionship is my best bet. Damn you Jane Austen and your ideals of romance, Emma had it right marrying her best friend. That's pretty much been my mentality for the past six years or so. Keep my heart closed and don't get hurt right? Well then in waltzed this lil guy, young and naive. I didn't even have him on my radar. He fooled me. I fell and I fell hard. I was so angry. I don't know if I was more angry for letting someone in foolishly and allowing myself to get hurt or more angry at the fact that I was right all along and the only one who could not break my heart was Jesus. So far, I'm right. I decided that after that, I was done with love for good; no guy could be the guy I pictured in my head. That was fantasy, and we live in a world of reality. so... I decided I was done looking. But apparently I was not done being found. After 5 years of hardly any communication with one another, in walks mister perfect himself. The fella in my head, but in the flesh. Too good to be true? That's what my head is telling me. And although my heart thinks different, my noggin has a better track record. So for now, I am attempting to listen to my head hoping that he will prove me wrong. I want to believe in love. I do. Because I see so many examples of 60 year marriages and they are still so in love...but I also know that I can't go wrong with marrying someone I love dearly as a friend. It's a lot less risky. So many walls. But I fear he has the right tools for tearing them down...and that scares me to death. For now, we are playing catch up. 5 years and little contact begs for some get to know you time. So, I am working on falling more in love with Jesus and waiting to see if true love between a man and woman exists. and if it does, what in the world does it look like? Number 9 on the bucket list? Get married to the love of my life. Let's see if I get to cross that one off.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Finally a Breakthrough
O MY GOODNESS!!! I feel so beyond renewed. God has been working furiously in my life these past few months and I am finally being able to see it. After spending a most amazing week at home with my beautiful family, I had the most incredible honor of leading one of my most beloved friends to a faith in Christ. It has been the most beautiful experience watching her resist Him, warm up to Him, accept Him, and now grow in Him. If anything, through all of this, God has taught me my own insignificance. In that, I was putting so much weight on my failures and mistakes, thinking they were keeping me from connecting with my Father. How important I thought myself that something I do keeps Him from working in and through me...I was so mistaken. In fact, through my failures and inadequacy he worked through me to touch someone's heart and woo them to a love for Him. I am far too small to mess up God's plan, and not only did he decide to work despite my mistakes, but He USED me through my mistakes. O how glorious He is! He promises to equip us and be strong in our weakness and that has been so evident to me.
Furthermore, I have learned so much about what it means to love someone. Befriending this girl, I had no ulterior motive other than love her. I wasn't loving her so that she would become a Christian or so that she would see Christ in me. These were definitely important and came into play, but I befriended her simply because I loved her. And I would love her just as much if she never prayed to receive Christ. God requests that we love Him and love others. He doesn't grant us the right to judge others or the power to save others. just love them. And through our honest, unyielding love (that we only receive because of Him) He will shine through and touch that persons heart. It isn't about giving someone a bible, or telling them God loves them...those things are and can be important, but its just about being there for people when they need someone. Why do we complicate it to more than that? God will do His work. His plan will happen. All we need to do is just what he asks: love. Let's not make it more than that. I feel like if everyone understood that all the time, myself included, (not meaning to throw out a cliche) the world would be a better place. So I challenge you to reevaluate how you treat people. Everyone you come into contact with. Do you love them? Do you edify them with your words? What about the people you interact with and don't even speak to? Would a smile or kind "Hello" change their day or perhaps even their life for the better? My goal is to let God's love run through me fully. I want to shine love to every single person I see every single day. In Ephesians we are told to speak to one anther in psalms and hymns, give thanks, walk as we are in the light, find what is acceptable to God, redeem the time, understand God's will, be filled with the Spirit, Sing to the Lord, Be renewed, put on righteousness and holiness, give to those in need, edify with our words, be kind and forgive, be imitators of god and WALK IN LOVE...
Furthermore, I have learned so much about what it means to love someone. Befriending this girl, I had no ulterior motive other than love her. I wasn't loving her so that she would become a Christian or so that she would see Christ in me. These were definitely important and came into play, but I befriended her simply because I loved her. And I would love her just as much if she never prayed to receive Christ. God requests that we love Him and love others. He doesn't grant us the right to judge others or the power to save others. just love them. And through our honest, unyielding love (that we only receive because of Him) He will shine through and touch that persons heart. It isn't about giving someone a bible, or telling them God loves them...those things are and can be important, but its just about being there for people when they need someone. Why do we complicate it to more than that? God will do His work. His plan will happen. All we need to do is just what he asks: love. Let's not make it more than that. I feel like if everyone understood that all the time, myself included, (not meaning to throw out a cliche) the world would be a better place. So I challenge you to reevaluate how you treat people. Everyone you come into contact with. Do you love them? Do you edify them with your words? What about the people you interact with and don't even speak to? Would a smile or kind "Hello" change their day or perhaps even their life for the better? My goal is to let God's love run through me fully. I want to shine love to every single person I see every single day. In Ephesians we are told to speak to one anther in psalms and hymns, give thanks, walk as we are in the light, find what is acceptable to God, redeem the time, understand God's will, be filled with the Spirit, Sing to the Lord, Be renewed, put on righteousness and holiness, give to those in need, edify with our words, be kind and forgive, be imitators of god and WALK IN LOVE...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The calm before the storm
These past few weeks have been complete hell. I keep referencing previous blogs but...It works...When I wrote my last blog, I had no idea what was ahead of me. Here it is, March...and I can safely say February was the worst month of my life. January 30th I was ready to turn my life around, be the woman I have been growing into all these years, but some hard stuff hit me and I realized how little I put my trust in God. It was easy for me to trust him when life was going well, but when the going got tough and I couldn't handle it, I crumbled. I turned to everything but Him. At this point I can't promise a turn around. It's my desire, but I am afraid these unfulfilled promises to God on my part are getting a little tired. Last week I hit the darkest place in my life i have every been. Battling some pretty scary depression, God used some friends to wake me up and pull me back. I am getting there. I feel better than I have in a long time. I have found happiness but realized tonight that I have been trying to change based off feeling for quite some time now. What I need is to embrace God's joy. I miss that. I have known a verse in Philippians since I was 15...."Be anxious for nothing but in everything with prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will be made known to you"...I may have butchered that verse a little, I am going off of pure memory. However, knowing these words in my head and not believing them in my heart has been one of my biggest pretends. I want to stop having the head knowledge of Christ and instead embrace his truth and believe it...believe meaning trust in it, not have the intelligence of it...guess we shall see...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I don't know how I got here...
Twenty five days ago I posted a blog in the midst of God's presence. Reading it, a mixture of feelings washes over me. Feelings of joy, longing, shame, confusion...because for the past two weeks I have completely torn down every part of me that was dependent on God and taken complete control of my life. The first time I admitted this to myself and others, out loud, was last tuesday at Bible study. I then explained to Pam and Lindsay how I had taken complete control over every decision in my life and stopped considering God altogether. It isn't the first time that's happened but it is the first time I have ever been okay with it. It's the first time I didn't want to go back to being in the middle of God's will. I liked the way things were going, I liked the control. Little did I know God was let me, fully, have the control I thought I wanted...and then I fell apart. I realized how different I've been. I realized how completely immature I've been and truly saw the unwise decisions I have been making in their fullness. Four days ago I told the girls in my bible study that I didn't want to change and go back to following God. Today, I rebuke that statement and am ashamed to even admit to saying it. At this very moment I am not where I want to be. But thankfully, finally, I want to be close to God again. I already feel like myself again. I am so ready to be consistent. I know God is ready for me to be consistent. I mean, goodness, He has been patiently waiting my return for quite some time. As of right now, I don't feel complete or full or joyful, but I am hopeful because I know each of those await me right around the corner. I must thank my God, once again, for his forgiveness and freedom. I don't understand it, but I accept it.
I cannot believe I'm this dirty
I'm ashamed to even ask to be clean
'Cause I can't think of anyone less worthy
I have nothing to offer or to bring
I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
And I wait
I'm not even sure how I got here
Wondered to this darkness from Your light
I still remember walking in the garden with You
Now I'm just stumbling through this night
I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
And I wait
I wait for Your rain to fall
The waves of Your grace wash over me
I wait for Your rain to fall
Strange how forgiveness comes so easily
When I call Your name
And wait for Your rain
Lord, this desert is killing me
My throat's dry from screaming Your name
I want to come home but the sands of time surround me
The dirt's finally covered my shame
So I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
I cannot believe I'm this dirty
I'm ashamed to even ask to be clean
'Cause I can't think of anyone less worthy
I have nothing to offer or to bring
I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
And I wait
I'm not even sure how I got here
Wondered to this darkness from Your light
I still remember walking in the garden with You
Now I'm just stumbling through this night
I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
And I wait
I wait for Your rain to fall
The waves of Your grace wash over me
I wait for Your rain to fall
Strange how forgiveness comes so easily
When I call Your name
And wait for Your rain
Lord, this desert is killing me
My throat's dry from screaming Your name
I want to come home but the sands of time surround me
The dirt's finally covered my shame
So I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? If our God is with us, who could stand against?
I feel like my heart could explode it is so very very full. I have just spent the last four days in Atlanta at Passion Conference. Yes, there were some incredible names-Louie Giglio, Francis Chan, John Piper, Andy Stanley, Beth Moore, Chris Tomlin, David Crowder, Hillsong, Charlie Hall, Christian Stanfill, Fee, Christy Knockels, the list goes on, but the only name receiving praise from the more than 20,000 students gathered was that of Jesus Christ. The zeal and passion dedicated through praise to our Creator was so real, I can only pray that it does not wear out. For me, this was not an emotional experience or spiritual high, but a progression of an ongoing walk. A walk that is now deeper and stronger and more courageous than ever before. I have learned so much these past four days and I know it is only the beginning of a deeper walk than before. One thing that I know I need to do more of, is share, constantly, how God is working in my life and ask those around me what He is doing in theirs. So, here comes the sharing!!!
Each day and each teaching the Lord brought through some incredibly anointed speakers touched my heart and built on the teaching preceding it. Sunday morning, Beth Moore brought a message from Hebrews chapter 13 verses 20 and 21. Her main message was about how God equips us to do His good and perfect will. In her third point, she spoke about accepting God's healing and restoration in your life. For me, this hit pretty hard. Before I left for Passion, I yearned for healing and freedom from the funk I was in. As Beth spoke those words, I immediately felt God tugging at my heart. I could hear Him whispering over me telling me I needed to accept His love and embrace His healing so that He could bring restoration in my life, take back my heart and break the chains that were binding me. He kept reminding me that I couldn't truly show other people His restoration unless I experienced it first. I immediately began the process of surrendering my pain and hurt to Him. I accepted the healing he was offering and quickly felt the chains broken but I still couldn't quite let them go. I just kept hearing Him say to me "Don't worry, I have you my child. Where My spirit is there is freedom. Let go." But I couldn't...not yet. I was confident the time would come.
Monday morning Andy Stanley explained that it was a mistake to decide what you wanted to do before you determine who you are. This spoke volumes to me. I recently came to the conclusion of what I think I want to do after college but I was still unsettled with my future. Knowing that I still hadn't decided WHO I wanted to be. I mean, I knew where I wanted to be and what I wanted to achieve, but actually narrowing down specific characteristics I want to strive for. and with those characteristics, explanations, definitions, consequences, verses to back them up and an action plan to achieve each. I've been praying, constantly for about a year and a half now for the woman God wants to make me and always admiring various characteristics in strong Christian women, excited for the day I may hold the same ones. Then God said to me "Beth Anne, why are you hoping for these in the future? What's the wait? I want you to become this woman right now!" So I was like....Well Okay God, let's make it happen. Ha, there are some more details there with my meditation with God and His guidance but there are some things better left to face-to-face conversations ya know?
This morning, Louie spoke. What I heard from God was what are you still not surrendering to Me? My son didn't just live a perfect life, he was so obedient to me even to take on death--death on a cross! What are you not giving to Me? What is standing in your way to reach Me?" At that point my response was simply "I'm not sure, but I am willing to figure it out so that I can reach you." Then came worship. Worship used to be an experience for me. Something I was constantly attempting to gain from. A couple of years ago I realized that worship isn't about me and what I get out of it, but praising God...the end. That's all. Since then I've never made Worship an emotional thing, where I only was happy if I felt something, but rather a time to just lift up and glorify my Creator. On the other hand, as I rediscovered this morning, even though it isn't about us, God still uses this time to speak to us. Ha, it's funny. Even His teaching during this time has nothing to do with us! It's still about giving Him glory! (That's something God taught us through John Piper) Sorry, I got distracted by that realization. Anywho, back to worship this morning. So, this morning, God told me that He had brought healing and restoration into my life and that he had broken the chains and wanted me to be free....He told me I was holding on to chains that aren't even binding me anymore and that all I had to do was let go. and so I did!!!!!!! And can I say, I have never ever ever ever felt such complete freedom in my life! I have Itunes playing right now and it just so happens the words are "Chainbreaker, Heart savior, Jesus the great redeemer! Life Changer! Liberator! Jesus the great redeemer! We are free we are free, yea the Son has set us free, Drop your chains, sons and daughters come and run in liberty!!!!!!!" My goodness, He never ceases showing His glory if only we would open our eyes to what He is showing us.
Passion 2010 was not an emotional experience for me. It was not a spiritual experience. It has been a natural progression to my faith. God has taught me so much every day. But it doesn't stop today. He is going to teach me tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day...and all the days that I allow Him to. Passion 2010 was not about how many people were there, it was the fact that God is here. Passion 2010 wasn't about how much money was raised, but about what God is doing through our lives. Passion 2010 was not about how big it was, but about how big God is. Louie asked us before we left if we could make it out of the building and make it all the way back to our everyday lives with God shining on our faces. I'm wondering if everyone is still smiling and praising and singing and shouting all for the name of God. My prayer is that every one of the 20,000+ students from over 1100 universities around the world will not forget the life they promised to live while at Passion 2010. We are not alone. We have one another desiring the same revolution the same AWAKENING. But most of all, Our Maker is ready to do His work. I pray we can be his good and faithful servants.
If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us and if our God is with us then who could stand against?
Each day and each teaching the Lord brought through some incredibly anointed speakers touched my heart and built on the teaching preceding it. Sunday morning, Beth Moore brought a message from Hebrews chapter 13 verses 20 and 21. Her main message was about how God equips us to do His good and perfect will. In her third point, she spoke about accepting God's healing and restoration in your life. For me, this hit pretty hard. Before I left for Passion, I yearned for healing and freedom from the funk I was in. As Beth spoke those words, I immediately felt God tugging at my heart. I could hear Him whispering over me telling me I needed to accept His love and embrace His healing so that He could bring restoration in my life, take back my heart and break the chains that were binding me. He kept reminding me that I couldn't truly show other people His restoration unless I experienced it first. I immediately began the process of surrendering my pain and hurt to Him. I accepted the healing he was offering and quickly felt the chains broken but I still couldn't quite let them go. I just kept hearing Him say to me "Don't worry, I have you my child. Where My spirit is there is freedom. Let go." But I couldn't...not yet. I was confident the time would come.
Monday morning Andy Stanley explained that it was a mistake to decide what you wanted to do before you determine who you are. This spoke volumes to me. I recently came to the conclusion of what I think I want to do after college but I was still unsettled with my future. Knowing that I still hadn't decided WHO I wanted to be. I mean, I knew where I wanted to be and what I wanted to achieve, but actually narrowing down specific characteristics I want to strive for. and with those characteristics, explanations, definitions, consequences, verses to back them up and an action plan to achieve each. I've been praying, constantly for about a year and a half now for the woman God wants to make me and always admiring various characteristics in strong Christian women, excited for the day I may hold the same ones. Then God said to me "Beth Anne, why are you hoping for these in the future? What's the wait? I want you to become this woman right now!" So I was like....Well Okay God, let's make it happen. Ha, there are some more details there with my meditation with God and His guidance but there are some things better left to face-to-face conversations ya know?
This morning, Louie spoke. What I heard from God was what are you still not surrendering to Me? My son didn't just live a perfect life, he was so obedient to me even to take on death--death on a cross! What are you not giving to Me? What is standing in your way to reach Me?" At that point my response was simply "I'm not sure, but I am willing to figure it out so that I can reach you." Then came worship. Worship used to be an experience for me. Something I was constantly attempting to gain from. A couple of years ago I realized that worship isn't about me and what I get out of it, but praising God...the end. That's all. Since then I've never made Worship an emotional thing, where I only was happy if I felt something, but rather a time to just lift up and glorify my Creator. On the other hand, as I rediscovered this morning, even though it isn't about us, God still uses this time to speak to us. Ha, it's funny. Even His teaching during this time has nothing to do with us! It's still about giving Him glory! (That's something God taught us through John Piper) Sorry, I got distracted by that realization. Anywho, back to worship this morning. So, this morning, God told me that He had brought healing and restoration into my life and that he had broken the chains and wanted me to be free....He told me I was holding on to chains that aren't even binding me anymore and that all I had to do was let go. and so I did!!!!!!! And can I say, I have never ever ever ever felt such complete freedom in my life! I have Itunes playing right now and it just so happens the words are "Chainbreaker, Heart savior, Jesus the great redeemer! Life Changer! Liberator! Jesus the great redeemer! We are free we are free, yea the Son has set us free, Drop your chains, sons and daughters come and run in liberty!!!!!!!" My goodness, He never ceases showing His glory if only we would open our eyes to what He is showing us.
Passion 2010 was not an emotional experience for me. It was not a spiritual experience. It has been a natural progression to my faith. God has taught me so much every day. But it doesn't stop today. He is going to teach me tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day...and all the days that I allow Him to. Passion 2010 was not about how many people were there, it was the fact that God is here. Passion 2010 wasn't about how much money was raised, but about what God is doing through our lives. Passion 2010 was not about how big it was, but about how big God is. Louie asked us before we left if we could make it out of the building and make it all the way back to our everyday lives with God shining on our faces. I'm wondering if everyone is still smiling and praising and singing and shouting all for the name of God. My prayer is that every one of the 20,000+ students from over 1100 universities around the world will not forget the life they promised to live while at Passion 2010. We are not alone. We have one another desiring the same revolution the same AWAKENING. But most of all, Our Maker is ready to do His work. I pray we can be his good and faithful servants.
If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us and if our God is with us then who could stand against?
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