What is the Wise thing to do?

So...I haven't blogged in a while. In fact, at the moment I have a blog just waiting in my drafts to be published...but it isn't finished. It's regarding all that I learned at beach project, which is probably why it isn't finished--so much to process through.

so life update.

Well, the Lord has been doing TONS here at the Berry College. Most of all, expanding my ministry missionally. He has just put so many opportunities in my path to share the gospel on a regular basis and pour into others' lives. By His grace, my friends and I are actively seeking Him and sharing His love to the world. It has been incredible. Still tons to pray for. That our ministries continue to flourish and we continue to depend on the Lord's grace. That the hearts of the people on this campus be receptive. That the men's ministry on our campus continue to grow as the Lord strengthens men to lead us in ministry. Most of all, in all of this, that God go before us and prepare the way. Using Exodus 32-33, our leaders have encouraged us to adopt these verses as our mindset in ministry and personal growth. In this, we pray for the Lord to reveal to us the things we worship more than God--seeing our sinfulness. As well as refusing to do what God wants without His presence--begging Him to come with us and go before us.

Recently I was presented with a pretty incredible opportunity to serve the Lord and the process in which He revealed this opportunity was so reflective of His glory. About two weeks ago, I really felt the Lord calling me to pray for my summer and begin searching opportunities to serve Him and further His kingdom. I looked into a few options and realized that, more than anything, I wanted to do something more missional with my summer. Last Wednesday I had a meeting where Kevin, our Campus Outreach area Director, presented the opportunity to me and a handful of my other friends to go to China for 6 weeks and establish a CO connection there with the students and city in Nanjing, China. Here, we would have biblical training in the mornings and in the afternoons we would establish relationships with the students through english tutoring and campus visits in order to further advance the good news.

Also, last week, I listened to the first of a series of sermons by Andy Stanley titled "The Best Question Ever" in which Andy Stanley discusses making decisions based off the question "What is the Wise thing to do?" He uses Ephesians 5:15 as the biblical reference. He talks about how choosing wisdom is a high standard, the opposite of culture and so we are to not be foolish or careless and the verse COMMANDS us to know what the will of the Lord is. He talks about how we deceive ourselves too often and that we just need to face-up to the fact that God has something bigger in mind for us. So there are three parts to this question. What is the wise thing to do:

1. in light of my past experience

2. in light of my current circumstances

3. in light of my future hopes and dreams

We are to answer honestly and have the courage to follow through. We are to ask ourselves what it is within us that refuses to do what we know will take us where we want to go. It isn't necessarily what the right or wrong thing is, but what the wise thing is.

At this point, I do not sense a full yes or no from the Lord as I feel He is using this time for us to draw nearer to one another and strengthen our intimacy. For now, I ask for prayer as I discern what the wise decision is here. I also ask that you pray as I will be raising support if, indeed the Lord does ask me to go. I pray that you ask the Lord how you can help serve, whether through finance or prayer. I also encourage you to ask yourself, in all decisions, big or small, What is the Wise thing to do??

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

The young, The old and Biblical Womanhood

My goodness...God has been a workin! In saying that I need to clarify that God is always working but here lately He has just shown His wonderful grace in allowing me to see His glory on a daily basis. Not from anything I have done or am but because of God working in me, I have had the opportunity almost every day for the past 2 1/5 weeks to share my faith on some level with someone. Watching God orchestrate divine appointments has allowed me to surrender my pride in realizing nothing I do allows these things to happen. One example is from last Tuesday at the gym. I go to the gym 5 days a week at 2pm without fail with one of the staff of CO. well, last Tuesday, something came up and we both needed to go at 1. Besides changing the time, I really just wasn't feeling like working out that day but because Christy was going, it held me accountable to go as well. I always do 10 minutes of cardio, usually running on the treadmill, before lifting weights. After I was finished, I used the elliptical behind me to stretch my calve muscles. well there was this girl on the machine that had the same shirt as a few other young people, signifying they were all there for the same reason. I overheard her talking to one of the trainers about how they were there with an organization that helps troubled teens and got really curious. I started asking her questions and she without hesitation just spilled her life story and what this organization was doing for her. About 5 minutes into our conversation this man came over and yelled at me for talking to and "distracting" his "workers." I won't lie, he scared me pretty badly. So I apologized and walked away to continue my work out...But I couldn't focus. I was really torn with feeling like I needed to go back over there and talk to the girls but I was afraid of the man. I very clearly could feel God tugging on my heart telling me He would protect me. With a sudden peace, I got up and walked back over to the girls who were now riding bikes. I sat down to a girl I hadn't talked to and just started asking some surface level questions. I honestly felt ill equipped for such a conversation and just asked that God would let it flow. Almost as soon as I prayed that the girl just started drilling me with questions about if I was in college and where and why I was down here and what kind of books I liked to read. Every single question was almost designed for me to share about why I was here and what God was doing. We were able to talk for a good 20 minutes about her beliefs and where she comes from spiritually. She was very curious and very excited to talk about it. I then found out they are in the gym around 1 almost every day. As we left and I told christy about what happened, her face just lit up. She explained to me how before I started talking to the girls she was burdened to talk to them but felt God telling her to pray for them instead. She said she felt so much war as the man came over and yelled at me and then began discussing self-help ideas with the kids and how her flesh just wanted to go preach to him but God was telling her to pray. she said it was so neat from her perspective to see God open the doors for me to talk to the girls as she stood back and prayed. What a beautiful picture of evangelism and fellowship through the Body of Christ! One thing we talked about last week was how Jesus never sent anyone out by themselves to further the mission, it was always with other believers. Seeing how things worked last week I really understand why that is how it is.

At work I've just been blessed with opportunity to discuss what I'm learning with my coworkers or even women that walk in the store. My job duties require me to converse with the women that come in the store and how perfect an environment for me to be able to funnel the conversation to God. It's been awesome.

Last week was the relationship seminar and we talked about everything from relationships in the body of Christ to dating and marriage, to Biblical womanhood and Godly contentment. My next blog is going to discuss those things and hopefully I will get a chance to post it in the next couple of days. In the mean time, I ask that you pray for me as I continue to learn and for my dgroup as they are growing in the Lord. Pray for my friend Christy as she is raising support for her job (because EVERYONE on CO staff raises support for their salary, even families with kids and stay at home moms! How cool is that?) Just pray that God will provide and if you know of anyone that would be interested in supporting her in any way, please let me know. Also pray that we can take all that we learn and build a firm foundation this summer to take back to our campuses and our families upon returning. Its encouraging to see 140 college students, male and female, pursuing a strong relationship with God. The way we treat each other and protect each other is like nothing I've ever seen before and I just know it is our hearts for that to continue as we leave this environment into one that doesn't not easily cater to such an uplifting atmosphere. Thank you for your support and your prayers.

Christianity

I want to start out with a few selections from the book we are reading this summer by one of my all-time favorite pastors David Platt. It's called Radical and it's basically in pursuit of taking back the Christian faith from the American Dream. It explores the ways in which our American culture creates idealogies within us that are enemy to God. Some things are really hard to accept because they are so foreign to the way I think, but the more I study scripture, the less my lifestyle seems to line up. This book has been helpful in pointing out the areas in my life that disprove my love for God.

"The first [question] was simple. Was I going to believe Jesus? Was I going to embrace Jesus even though he said radical things that drove crowds away? The second question was more challenging. Was I going to obey Jesus? My biggest fear, even now, is that I will hear Jesus' words and walk away, content, to settle for less than radical obedience to Him."

"If Jesus is who he said he is, and if his promises are as rewarding as the Bible claims they are, then we may discover that satisfaction in our lives and success in the church are not found in what our culture deems most important but in radical abandonment to Jesus."

"Ultimately, Jesus was calling them [the disciples] to abandon themselves. They were leaving certainty for uncertainty, safety for danger, self-preservation for self-denunciation. In a world that prizes promoting oneself, they were following a teacher who told them to crucify themselves. And history tells us the result. Almost all of them would lose their lives because they responded to his invitation."

"We are afraid that if we stop and really look at the God in his word, we might discover that he evokes greater awe and demands deeper worship than we are ready to give him"

"...we are starting to redefine Christianity. We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with. A nice, middle class, American Jesus. A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so that he receives all our affection. A Jesus who is fine with nominal devotion that does not infringe on our comforts, because, after all, he loves us just the way we are. A Jesus who wants us to be balanced, who wants us to avoid dangerous extremes, and who, for that matter, wants us to avoid danger altogether. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream. But do you and I realize what we are doing at this point? We are molding Jesus into our image. He is beginning to look a lot like us because, after all, that is whom we are most comfortable with. And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshiping the Jesus of the Bible. Instead we may be worshiping ourselves."

That last one especially kicks my butt. In examining my motives and the depth in which I follow Christ, I have to wonder how much of this is true for me. The more I dive into the Word the more I feel that the Jesus I serve looks less like the Jesus from the Bible and more like me. Am I a devoutly seeking the God of the Bible or too afraid to because of what He may call me to give up? I think about all the justification that takes place in my heart every time I feel God calling me to surrender an idol in my life. Jesus + ____ = satisfaction? I long for the day that I don't fill in that blank. We learned today in our rally that we are innately rebellious from birth because of the fall of man. Thus, it is my curse to fill in the blank. I long to look more like God. I fear that means changing almost everything about myself. But I really feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart strings to pursue something more radical than what I know. To give up the idealogies the world would have me believe and follow and seek out God's will for my life. The biggest of these so far have been marriage and money. Oddly enough between the two of these, marriage was the easy one. God truly changed my heart and made it my desire to pursue a life of singleness. The money thing I'm still struggling to be faithful. He really wants me to trust Him in that area. and I really want to.

I'm trying to let this journey begin!!

alrighty....this is legitimately the first opportunity granted to me thus far to even consider blogging..aka it has been CRAZY busy.

So just to give a little play by play of the last six days:

Friday: Operation leave for SBP

• expectation: leave at 7am to avoid atlanta traffic+memorial day traffic
• reality: leave at 7:45am, go to starbucks (to start the day off right), not too much traffic
• expectation: arrive at Fort Walton Beach, Florida at approximately 1pm Central time
• reality: get lost and go two hours out of the way to arrive at 3:15pm Central time

lesson: don't have expectations

So we finally arrive at the lovel sandman hotel on Santa Rosa blvd! It's no hilton, but I am happy to call it home for the next two months. After our arrival we had till 5 to just chill and meet the other D-group leaders and they were all awesome! After that we were thrown into 5 wonderfully intense sessions discussing being a leader. The coolest part of all that was being reminded that being a leader in Gods kingdom means being a servant to those you are leading. But how applicable is that to all aspects of life? Serving everyone you interact with to the best of your ability is probably one of the strongest expressions of love...because servanthood takes sacrifice. Sacrifice of time, money, emotions, sleep, materials...and when someone sees your willingness to sacrifice your stuff for them, how much more loved could they feel? The heart of this servanthood and loving others boils down to the gospel of Jesus. We are learning so much about the simplicity of being a disciple of Christ and I love it. Ministering to others is about loving them and not judging them. Learning that actions are driven by the heart, you conclude that when someone's behavior is questionable, the problem lies within the heart. Thus, preaching the gospel of Jesus into their lives will reveal change in actions over time as they change within their hearts. These two ideas are what I'm going to try to adopt this summer and ultimately for the rest of my life.

So Friday-Sunday revolved around these sessions learning about servant leadership and it was awesome. Sunday we had a pool party at the Sites' house and kinda chilled for a bit. Monday was a huge work day as we worked non stop from about 8am till 2am. talk about tired. Then FINALLY everyone arrived Tuesday. I met my girls and we all bonded so well. Some great times driving down the road getting lost and just being CRAZY together, we couldn't help but see how evident it was that God ordained and orchestrated the 5 of us to share this 9 week journey together in The Word, accountability, worship and prayer.

So Last night kind of started our first real orientation session. Dilbeck talked about being fulfilled and finding satisfaction solely in God. His discussion revolved around the constant battle between our kingdom and God's kingdom. The most I took away from that was this equation he talked about that is at the heart of our kingdom:

Jesus + __________ = satisfaction

But in God's kingdom the equation looks like this:

Jesus=Satisfaction

The second equation is so much more appealing but my flesh is weak and today Satan knew how much I was trying to discover about what I try and fill in the blank. All of those things continuously attacked me today. If only I had this and Jesus I would be happy. If only this relationship were restored and I am growing in Jesus I will be fulfilled. O how much I want to surrender this mentality. GOOOOOD stuff.

Then last night we had some D-Group time, our first d-group meeting of SBP. We weren't really supposed to do testimonies till Sunday but the spirit was moving and we all ended up sharing our entire life stories and bonded so much. The girls in my group love eachother so much and last night overwhelmed me with Joy from the LORD as the evidence of His orchestration for us to be together was undeniable.

As you can see God is doing so much already. We are only on day 3 of 70. I have high expectations and I know the LORD exceeds even my highest expectation so I can't WAIT to see what He does.

We are all looking for jobs so continue to pray and thank you for your support!

Prepping for Project

As this summer has already proved itself the best I've ever had, I am starting to get really excited about what the Lord will do with the next ten weeks of my life. Unlike most discipleship-oriented events I've attended, summer beach project does not cater solely to spiritual highs. Instead, I am embarking on a journey with my Savior to find my identity in Him as we go through good times and bad times. I'll be living in close quarters with 8 or so girls--some of which I may or may not know. I'm going to work hard and get up and go to work even on the days I don't feel like it. I'm going to have to follow some fairly strict rules and lead a discipleship group that I feel ill-equipped for. It will be no picnic. Yet, as the day of my departure nears, I have trouble experiencing any emotion other than excitement. As I have been getting ready for project over the past three weeks, praying and studying the Word, God has already taught me so much about who I am in Him and given me a small taste of what He wants to do with me and I'm hooked! In addition to the aforementioned hurdles, SBP seems like it is going to be full of adventures, new friends, building strong Godly bonds with my fellow sisters in Christ, perhaps even mending a bond once broken. Ten intense weeks dedicated to nothing more than spiritual exhortation. This calls for an incredible, though undoubtedly hard, experience.

Having only decided to go less than two months ago, I was very reserved in the beginning and reluctant to get excited, deciding instead to dwell on the negative and hardships I was sure to face. As soon as I called on God to begin preparing me for what He wants to teach me, however, my attitude towards the trip began to change. Even with this change of attitude I did my best to ask God to reign supreme over my summer, but was still having trouble at times giving Him control. I still felt I could handle what was to come. Then, a couple of days ago, one of the Campus Outreach staff called me and told me they were short on Dgroup leaders and asked if I would do it. Without hesitation I said yes, almost before I even gave it a thought. I told her I was super nervous about it though and was worried I would do a bad job. She reminded me that I would mess up and that I had to give it to God or I wouldn't make it through my summer. With this new addition of responsibility, I had no choice to constantly capitulate my summer and preparation to God. Whenever I start to feel anxious, I just remember that I need to submit that to God through prayer and His peace, which I don't understand, will fill me.

So here goes, I feel this summer will end with me a new person. I hope so. I want to constantly be changed to look more like Christ. I can't even fathom the journey that lies in store for me. I have no expectations, I am just freely giving every day to the Lord. I ask for and thank you for your prayers. I will update as much as possible to inform those that support me on what God is doing in my life.

Come Friday, its off to Destin!

good triumphs over evil

this is a subject I'm anxious to talk about as it is so taboo but...here goes anywho

so the death penalty...

yea I know.

some people are so passionately for or against, but since the very start of my freshman year I have set off to venture how I truly feel about this and find myself so often caught in the middle.

Picture this: you and your mom (who you love more than anyone in the world) are taking a stroll down the street and some fella pulls out a gun, demands some cash, and then just unloads on her. i know it's graphic, but I feel like I have to put it in such perspective in order to see truth.

So what's your reaction? As a Christian, I feel like my reaction should be to love and offer forgiveness. although everything in my wants to kill the person myself. Yet, do I find myself content with the fact that he is served with the death penalty? death for death? Is justice then served? Does ending this man's life comfort me or bring my mom back? comfort--perhaps. but definitely doesn't change the situation.

Ultimately my decision is made, and has been for quite sometime. I believe I am no more righteous than a murderer due to my beliefs. I know that my God will serve justice better than any man could and that I would prefer Him to be judge. Of course, I don't want this man running around the streets right? Life in prison? definitely. Yet I have no faith in our judicial system these days, corrupt as it is. Odds are the guy could get like 15-20 years with some probation. So justice? I'll leave it up to God. Forgiveness? I can only offer it through Christ's love.

Okay, to my next point...Good vs. evil. A most common theme throughout literature and movies. From Braveheart to Superman, from Robin Hood to Peter Pan, from The little Mermaid to Gladiator. I mean, there are really only a handful of examples that don't contain some element of good vs evil. We are fed this idea that good triumphs over evil constantly as it is engrained in our culture. I believe this originates from the love letter God writes on our hearts upon creation. Because one day, good will triumph over evil. Satan will be vanquished and Christ will be King. That gets me excited. But the fear I have comes in how far we have taken this idea. How far we have stolen justice from the true Judge's hands and bestowed it upon ourselves to triumph over evil. I just finished watching the movie Edge of Darkness with Mel Gibson. I must say, it was a good movie. Basically, someone murders this guy's daughter right in front of him and he seeks justice, killing a number of "bad guys" along the way. Throughout the movie, I found myself torn between rooting him on and feeling disgusted that I, as an intended audience, am expected to root him on. He is fulfilling any person's desire to take justice into their own hands and, as he is a law official, he seems to bear the right to do so. but i have to consider down to the core that when he kills those men, it is murder. I can't believe how often I forget that when watching movies.

Ultimately, nothing is black or white. What about self defense? What about war? I mean, where do you draw the line? i must say I can't give solid answers. Most situations do need to be looked at case by case. I guess ultimately I just want to be careful when it comes to cheering on the "good guy" in movies. I feel its treading on dangerous water, making myself immune to killing if it is in the name of justice. But justice pertains to a manner of perspective--whether considering what acts deserve it and to what degree it may be served. Still quite taboo. Just some things I was pondering.

A time for reflections

As I approach the official date proving my existence for two whole decades, I've really been taking the time to reflect on my life. The good, the bad. The unexpected. The heartwrenching. The enlightment. The pain. The fun. The growth. Friends that come. Friends that grow. Teaching. Learning. Hobbies. Boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends. Family. God. Reflecting on all of this, I don't even know what to say or what to think. I remember being young and thinking 20 was so old. Now that I'm here, I feel like I have so much life ahead of me but I know I've lived so much. It just feels like yesterday that Madison Conley and I were having our sleepovers every weekend and inventing new songs. Or walking the halls of North Hall Middle school during my very very awkward years. Friends. I couldnt count the friends I've had. Some--my entire life. Some have gone. I've never really had just one best friend, I've always been the one to go from friend group to friend group, never able to identify just ONE best friend. I don't think that will ever change; I'm okay with that. My friends have played such a huge role in making me who I am today. Whether it be because of their negative influence or their constant exhortation in my relationship with the Lord. Whether they be transient friends or friends that never leave my side. I've had a lifetime worth of adventures with the beautiful friends in my life and don't regret having any of them. Boyfriends. my goodness. my first date. the first time I held hands with a boy. my first kiss. mistakes. lessons. great times. strength. I can't believe all of these things have already happened. It seems just yesterday I was nervous about holding hands with a boy in 7th grade. And here I am today--too much experience with relationships. lots of hurt. lots of growth. lots of memories--good and bad. I always thought I would be the one to marry right out of college. Marry the man of my dreams, have a houseful of beautiful children and be a stay at home mom while my hubby brought home the dough. Now, I'm learning to come to grips with the potential plans God has for me. Where I am in my life now, I don't see that dream coming true--I dont' want it to. In fact, God is teaching me to forego any thoughts regarding a family in my future. Not that I won't have one, but just not to plan for one because I need to focus on where I am now. Honestly, I may not marry till I'm 34. So if I am so deadset on having a family at 26 and it doesn't happen, what kind of corner will I have backed myself into? Man, I've come a long way. Family. the one constant thing in my life right below Jesus. But we've been through so much together. Even through it all, I know they got my back and vice versa. I feel beyond fortunate to have the family I do. I would hand pick them out of all the family in the world. They have also had a huge hand in shaping me into who I am. My parents are incredible. My dad is the hardest worker I know and my mom is the strongest human that has ever lived. I admire them so much and I know if I can truly live how they have taught me, I'll be doing pretty good. Here I am, 3 finals and 2 essays away from being half way finished with my undergrad. I can't believe it. The years go by faster and faster. Which is just another way God is teaching me to sieze every opportunity I can. And not be foolish in taking for granted the time He has given me to serve others and Him. So here's to being 20. I can't believe it's here. I have lived such a full life already and I can imagine what's in store for the next 20.

Thank you Lord, for the experiences, the people, the life you've given me. I want to honor you with this gift.