Psalm 27:11-14 Teach me your way O LORD, and lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies. Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries; For false witnesses have risen against me, and such as breathe out violence. Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD.
God is teaching me so much about patience and waiting [and by waiting I mean serving while listening] lately, it's overwhelming. I always correlated patience with struggle and dis-contentedness because it is the place I struggle with most. In being such a control freak, when everything is on my time line, I am a happy camper; but throw that off and my fuse gets pretty short. However, on my journey to learning what it means to love with Christ's love, I learned that patience is key and since then I've been trying to apply it to all parts of my life. The biggest struggle comes to dealing with my future, more specifically the possibility of a husband. Yet, the closer I've grown to the Lord the more I've realized what a blessing waiting can be. Upon understanding the purpose behind waiting and being patience, I have developed such a peace for where I am in life. Some incredible girls are in my life and constantly encouraging me but the world is constantly trying to prove to me how insane I am. When I found the verse from above I couldn't help but dwell on the portion about the will of my adversaries. The will of the world so much encompasses the opposite of God's will and it is constantly thrown in my face. Especially with the subject I'm dealing with at the moment. What a comfort it is to know that HE will strengthen my heart if I wait [serve] on Him. Only in Him is strength enough to overcome the violence breathed out by the world, the lies that tell me the path I'm supposed to follow. Right now I am resting in His strength and am comforted.
Here's a little John Waller lining up so perfectly with my prayer to the Lover of my soul:
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Lord I lift my friend to you...
In learning about how to love I've also learned its effects...and sometimes lack there of. I found out that you can, through Christ, love someone unconditionally, asking for nothing in return till you are blue in the face and sometimes it still doesn't seem to get through. And through the discouragement you receive from a lack of response, it is so draining and easy to give up. But Paul points out in 2 Corinthians that anything we do is nothing without love. Love fulfills everything and truly makes things work. Therefore, though I can't see it, the love I'm sharing isn't being ignored. Just maybe suppressed. I also know that when I'm discouraged, it means I'm trying to carry the burden of a friend on my own shoulders...but i'm not capable of handling such a thing. Instead, I give that burden to Christ and allow him to fill me so that I may fill her. I never knew love was so complicating or so important when it comes to your faith in Christ and the lifestyle I've chosen to live...but all I can do is lift her to Him
Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Complicated circumstances have clouded her view
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
I fear that I won't have the words that he needs to hear
I pray for Your wisdom, oh God, and a heart that's sincere
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
Lord, I lift my friend to You
My best friend in the world, I know she means much more to You
I want so much to help her, but this is something she has to do
And Lord, I lift my friend up to You
'cause there's a way that seems so right to her
But You know where that leads
She's becoming a puppet of the world, too blind to see the strings
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
My friend up to You
Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Some lyrics perfectly constructed by the Lord through Casting Crowns. Beautifully said.
Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Complicated circumstances have clouded her view
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
I fear that I won't have the words that he needs to hear
I pray for Your wisdom, oh God, and a heart that's sincere
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
Lord, I lift my friend to You
My best friend in the world, I know she means much more to You
I want so much to help her, but this is something she has to do
And Lord, I lift my friend up to You
'cause there's a way that seems so right to her
But You know where that leads
She's becoming a puppet of the world, too blind to see the strings
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
My friend up to You
Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Some lyrics perfectly constructed by the Lord through Casting Crowns. Beautifully said.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Just because I don't want to work on my essay...
So...I find it odd that I love to write when I'm not forced....but such is life. I've nothing significant to say, just want to get my mind into a writing mood so that, perchance, I will be able to write a bit of my lil essay...and by lil I mean Hellish. So anywho, let's see what to write what to write. Well, Just got back from Easter with the fam....that's not really a subject I care to discuss....so let's talk about potential summer plans. Option number one: Summer Beach Project. Pro's--personal growth in Christ, discipleship, Evangelism, spending all summer with Megan and Abby...Cons--beach all summer, set schedule, rules, commitment....Hard to see what weighs more at the moment. Option two: Virginia. What's in Virginia you may ask? Well, nothing dealing with school or work, and that's pretty appealing in and of itself. Pro's--working with children all summer, ministry, escaping current life, Andrew (that's a big one), being in a new environment, not having a set schedule, being able to come home if I need to....Cons--where does my spiritual growth fit in (not to say it doesn't, just not sure where it is at the moment), kinda far away (which I guess could be a pro or con), looks like I'm making decisions based off a fella (which is not the case), Don't really know anyone....Option three, stay at home---haha yea....not gonna happen.
So anywho, I miss Rebecca Phillips alot. She has been studying abroad in Scotland all semester and I feel like her being right down the hall is something I miss tremendously. However, we get to be roommates next year and...Well, it's worth the wait.
I've come to the conclusion that my mom is straight up, my number one hero. It has just been so apparent to me lately the sacrifices she makes and how unnoticed they go. Her examples as a friend, wife, and mother all provide great standards to how I hope to live my life in each of those categories. I want so badly to be a mommy and a wifey. Actually, I'm kinda cool with just being a mommy but I kinda need the wifey role first I guess. I'm not there yet. I am just ready for the next stage of life. I don't want to wish it all away, yet I do. I mean, I want to truly cherish the time God gives me and grab hold of every opportunity He presents, but life is hard and I just keep idealizing the future. It's such an endless cycle. I remember being in high school and just wishing I could be in college. Now I am in college just wishing I could be in the next phase. What is wrong with me? I feel like this is a common trend among people in general, especially folk my age. I guess it's because we are in such a limbo-stage right now. College isn't new and exciting anymore, just hard; and as we are almost halfway finished, the end is near and our futures are on the horizon. I have a feeling once I reach that coveted place where the sun meets the earth however, that I will wish I could go back to where I am right now...and cherish it. I feel like a cra cra. I just wanna enjoy life. Cherish every moment. But that is such a fantasy because it is so hard to enjoy school. It is such a pain in the you know what. So, I just need to suck it up, get over myself, and find joy even when it seems impossible. I must cling to Christ, surrounded by encouraging people and focus. focus. focus!
Well that was motivating...so motivating that I'm going to not write my essay and go to bed...holding it off for yet another day.
But first, let's talk bout the possibility of love. So I'm the cynical one, believing whole heartedly that love is only for the few fortunate ones and that seeking companionship is my best bet. Damn you Jane Austen and your ideals of romance, Emma had it right marrying her best friend. That's pretty much been my mentality for the past six years or so. Keep my heart closed and don't get hurt right? Well then in waltzed this lil guy, young and naive. I didn't even have him on my radar. He fooled me. I fell and I fell hard. I was so angry. I don't know if I was more angry for letting someone in foolishly and allowing myself to get hurt or more angry at the fact that I was right all along and the only one who could not break my heart was Jesus. So far, I'm right. I decided that after that, I was done with love for good; no guy could be the guy I pictured in my head. That was fantasy, and we live in a world of reality. so... I decided I was done looking. But apparently I was not done being found. After 5 years of hardly any communication with one another, in walks mister perfect himself. The fella in my head, but in the flesh. Too good to be true? That's what my head is telling me. And although my heart thinks different, my noggin has a better track record. So for now, I am attempting to listen to my head hoping that he will prove me wrong. I want to believe in love. I do. Because I see so many examples of 60 year marriages and they are still so in love...but I also know that I can't go wrong with marrying someone I love dearly as a friend. It's a lot less risky. So many walls. But I fear he has the right tools for tearing them down...and that scares me to death. For now, we are playing catch up. 5 years and little contact begs for some get to know you time. So, I am working on falling more in love with Jesus and waiting to see if true love between a man and woman exists. and if it does, what in the world does it look like? Number 9 on the bucket list? Get married to the love of my life. Let's see if I get to cross that one off.
So anywho, I miss Rebecca Phillips alot. She has been studying abroad in Scotland all semester and I feel like her being right down the hall is something I miss tremendously. However, we get to be roommates next year and...Well, it's worth the wait.
I've come to the conclusion that my mom is straight up, my number one hero. It has just been so apparent to me lately the sacrifices she makes and how unnoticed they go. Her examples as a friend, wife, and mother all provide great standards to how I hope to live my life in each of those categories. I want so badly to be a mommy and a wifey. Actually, I'm kinda cool with just being a mommy but I kinda need the wifey role first I guess. I'm not there yet. I am just ready for the next stage of life. I don't want to wish it all away, yet I do. I mean, I want to truly cherish the time God gives me and grab hold of every opportunity He presents, but life is hard and I just keep idealizing the future. It's such an endless cycle. I remember being in high school and just wishing I could be in college. Now I am in college just wishing I could be in the next phase. What is wrong with me? I feel like this is a common trend among people in general, especially folk my age. I guess it's because we are in such a limbo-stage right now. College isn't new and exciting anymore, just hard; and as we are almost halfway finished, the end is near and our futures are on the horizon. I have a feeling once I reach that coveted place where the sun meets the earth however, that I will wish I could go back to where I am right now...and cherish it. I feel like a cra cra. I just wanna enjoy life. Cherish every moment. But that is such a fantasy because it is so hard to enjoy school. It is such a pain in the you know what. So, I just need to suck it up, get over myself, and find joy even when it seems impossible. I must cling to Christ, surrounded by encouraging people and focus. focus. focus!
Well that was motivating...so motivating that I'm going to not write my essay and go to bed...holding it off for yet another day.
But first, let's talk bout the possibility of love. So I'm the cynical one, believing whole heartedly that love is only for the few fortunate ones and that seeking companionship is my best bet. Damn you Jane Austen and your ideals of romance, Emma had it right marrying her best friend. That's pretty much been my mentality for the past six years or so. Keep my heart closed and don't get hurt right? Well then in waltzed this lil guy, young and naive. I didn't even have him on my radar. He fooled me. I fell and I fell hard. I was so angry. I don't know if I was more angry for letting someone in foolishly and allowing myself to get hurt or more angry at the fact that I was right all along and the only one who could not break my heart was Jesus. So far, I'm right. I decided that after that, I was done with love for good; no guy could be the guy I pictured in my head. That was fantasy, and we live in a world of reality. so... I decided I was done looking. But apparently I was not done being found. After 5 years of hardly any communication with one another, in walks mister perfect himself. The fella in my head, but in the flesh. Too good to be true? That's what my head is telling me. And although my heart thinks different, my noggin has a better track record. So for now, I am attempting to listen to my head hoping that he will prove me wrong. I want to believe in love. I do. Because I see so many examples of 60 year marriages and they are still so in love...but I also know that I can't go wrong with marrying someone I love dearly as a friend. It's a lot less risky. So many walls. But I fear he has the right tools for tearing them down...and that scares me to death. For now, we are playing catch up. 5 years and little contact begs for some get to know you time. So, I am working on falling more in love with Jesus and waiting to see if true love between a man and woman exists. and if it does, what in the world does it look like? Number 9 on the bucket list? Get married to the love of my life. Let's see if I get to cross that one off.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
