A Slump of Sorts...

The first time I was told about the Sophomore slump was within the first month of my Freshman year. Some of my friends that were Juniors had me and another friend over for dinner one night and the way they put it, it's nothing you can control or explain, but it's pretty miserable. Since that night, I hadn't thought much of it until this semester. I'm three months in to my first semester as a Sophomore and I can truly admit that it is dreadful and just as my friends put it last year, it is unexplainable. I feel stuck, more than ever, between adolescence and adulthood. I think the percentage of how badly I want to stay a child is equally a part of me as wanting to grow up. Maybe that's a large factor, who knows? I can tell that it is not targeted by one thing. I think this transition in life has been a long time coming, but I feel it really started to develop over the summer. Nothing particularly life changing happened this summer, maybe that was the problem?

I think I can honestly say this is the only time in my Christian life that I have felt a complete hault in my relationship with God. It isn't really a backward motion, but I'm not going forward either; I've always heard preachers say "if you aren't going forward the only place you can go is backward," but I definitely disagree. I am honestly at a standstill. It's tiring and frustrating and I'm ready for something new. Or maybe I'm ready for something old. Most of the people in my life right now are brand new. Much of that a result of being a mentor, which I love. Another reason is because all my old friends live on the other side of campus. Although I cherish my new friends so close to my heart, I wish I could go back to the way things were. Is that possible? At this point I'm going to say no. I am in a totally new world with new people, new responsibilities and new loves, I can't be who I was, but I would somehow love to combine the me from last year with the me from this year. I'm just ready to move on.

As the once loved Relient K once said " forward motion is harder than it sounds, and every time I gain some ground I gotta turn myself around again."