A time for reflections

As I approach the official date proving my existence for two whole decades, I've really been taking the time to reflect on my life. The good, the bad. The unexpected. The heartwrenching. The enlightment. The pain. The fun. The growth. Friends that come. Friends that grow. Teaching. Learning. Hobbies. Boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends. Family. God. Reflecting on all of this, I don't even know what to say or what to think. I remember being young and thinking 20 was so old. Now that I'm here, I feel like I have so much life ahead of me but I know I've lived so much. It just feels like yesterday that Madison Conley and I were having our sleepovers every weekend and inventing new songs. Or walking the halls of North Hall Middle school during my very very awkward years. Friends. I couldnt count the friends I've had. Some--my entire life. Some have gone. I've never really had just one best friend, I've always been the one to go from friend group to friend group, never able to identify just ONE best friend. I don't think that will ever change; I'm okay with that. My friends have played such a huge role in making me who I am today. Whether it be because of their negative influence or their constant exhortation in my relationship with the Lord. Whether they be transient friends or friends that never leave my side. I've had a lifetime worth of adventures with the beautiful friends in my life and don't regret having any of them. Boyfriends. my goodness. my first date. the first time I held hands with a boy. my first kiss. mistakes. lessons. great times. strength. I can't believe all of these things have already happened. It seems just yesterday I was nervous about holding hands with a boy in 7th grade. And here I am today--too much experience with relationships. lots of hurt. lots of growth. lots of memories--good and bad. I always thought I would be the one to marry right out of college. Marry the man of my dreams, have a houseful of beautiful children and be a stay at home mom while my hubby brought home the dough. Now, I'm learning to come to grips with the potential plans God has for me. Where I am in my life now, I don't see that dream coming true--I dont' want it to. In fact, God is teaching me to forego any thoughts regarding a family in my future. Not that I won't have one, but just not to plan for one because I need to focus on where I am now. Honestly, I may not marry till I'm 34. So if I am so deadset on having a family at 26 and it doesn't happen, what kind of corner will I have backed myself into? Man, I've come a long way. Family. the one constant thing in my life right below Jesus. But we've been through so much together. Even through it all, I know they got my back and vice versa. I feel beyond fortunate to have the family I do. I would hand pick them out of all the family in the world. They have also had a huge hand in shaping me into who I am. My parents are incredible. My dad is the hardest worker I know and my mom is the strongest human that has ever lived. I admire them so much and I know if I can truly live how they have taught me, I'll be doing pretty good. Here I am, 3 finals and 2 essays away from being half way finished with my undergrad. I can't believe it. The years go by faster and faster. Which is just another way God is teaching me to sieze every opportunity I can. And not be foolish in taking for granted the time He has given me to serve others and Him. So here's to being 20. I can't believe it's here. I have lived such a full life already and I can imagine what's in store for the next 20.

Thank you Lord, for the experiences, the people, the life you've given me. I want to honor you with this gift.