The Process

Preface: As vulnerable as I tend to be, there are some things I can't go to into detail about via blog, however I'll do my best capturing what God is doing in my heart without being able to say as much as I would like.

When hearing how much money we needed to raise for China and learning a process that is very new to me, my initial thoughts were fear, anxiety, doubt. But they gave us 14 quiet times to go through as we are in the midst of this process and the Lord has used each day to disciple me, and quiet my heart.

To share some thoughts:
2 Chronicles 20:6, 15b & 17a
O LORD God of our fathers, are You not God in heaven, and do You not rule over all the kingdoms of the nations, and in Your hand is there not power and might, so that no one is able to withstand You? ...Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude for the battle is not yours but God's...You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you.

2 Chronicles 16:8-9

Because you relied on the LORD, He delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.

->Raising 6,000 dollars may seem impossible, but the results are in God's hands. A God who has proved Himself powerful and trustworthy. It's my job to do the work and be obedient and diligent, but leave it to Him--no worrying, no doubting. He fights all of the battle--spiritual, physical, emotional. It is my job to sit, be in His presence and see Him do all the work. He is with me the entire way.

I have seen so much evidence of this in the past couple of days as the Lord is providing funds while giving me opportunity to cast His vision to believers and non-believers. Oswald Chambers once said "We are sent by God to lift up Jesus Christ, not to give wonderfully beautiful discourses." I was tempted yesterday to do just that-tickle someone's ear in hopes they would support me as I knew they probably wouldn't if they knew the real reason I was going. But I could feel God pressing me forward and stirring the conversation that required some boldness. In the end, the person agreed to support me, not because they agreed with what I was doing, but because I didn't back down after they hounded me with questions. Because of the bold speech. After having time to process what happened, it was obvious to me that the Lord allowed me to be obedient to cast His vision, while He worked in the person's heart. He fought that battle and prepared me in obedience to do the work. It is incredible to see the truth of God's Word played out in reality.

One of my favorite verses from this break is from 2 Kings 3:4-19. God provides water to 3 whole armies without rain. He simply fills a ditch with water and tells them to drink. As they drink, none go thirsty out of all those men! The best part is found in verse 18 when it says, "and this is a simple matter in the sight of the LORD." HA! It is simple to Him. Provision is no big deal. Because He is God and He can provide. He just asks for our obedience and faith. Man that gets me excited! The important thing here is to turn our eyes to God in situations like this, rather than just valuing the experience itself. Oswald Chambers writes "Faith that is sure of itself is not faith; faith that is sure of God is the only faith there is." Having faith in God-not the experiences.

Another part of this break has been dealing with sin. The Lord has been so faithful to provide truth constantly to encourage me as well as challenged me to change some things in my lifestyle in order for Him to weed out some sin. Not going into detail, I just want to share some verses and quotes. They speak for themselves.

Amy Carmichael: "My Father, train my soul, today, to pause. When the enemy attacks, hurling words that cause me to take my eyes off of You...When I feel weak, and helpless to do anything but fail again. I will stop. I will look up. No matter what comes, I will say 'But you, O LORD, are my helper!'"

1 Chronicles 21:8-I have sinned greatly, because I have done this thing; but now, I pray, take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have done very foolishly.

Isaiah 8:15-17-And many among them shall stumble; They shall fall and be broken, be shared and taken. Bind up the testimony, seal the law among my disciples. And I will wait on the LORD, who hides His face from the house of Jacob; and I will hope in Him.

Oswald Chambers: "...at all costs you want to be identified with His death...your 'old man' is crucified with Christ...Every now and again, our Lord lets us see what we would be like if it were not for Himself; it is a justification of what He said--'without me ye can do nothing.'"

This one to show that nothing happens without going through His grace:
Isaiah 14:24-The LORD of hosts has sworn, saying, 'surely as I have thought, so it shall come to pass, and as I have purposed, so it shall stand.

Isaiah 17:10-11-Because you have forgotten the God of your salvation, and have not been mindful of the Rock of your stronghold. Therefore you will plant pleasant plants and set out foreign seedlings; in the day you will make your plant to grow, and in teh morning you will make your seed to flourish; but the harvest will be a heap of ruins in the day of grief and desparate sorrow.

1 John 1:7-If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, the bloof of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
Oswald Chambers: "No man knows what sin is until he is born again. The love of God at work in me makes me hate with the hatred of the Holy Ghost all that is not in keeping with God's holiness. To walk in the light means that everything that is of the darkness drives me closer into the center of the light."
->Did you catch that!? Not only do we not hate that which is darkness and not keeping with God's holiness, but we love it. The struggle comes because we love it. We must abhor what is evil and cling to what is good. Hating darkness...that is the fruit of walking in the light.

Oswald Chambers "The battle is lost or won in the secret places of the will before God, never first in the external world...I am obliged to get alone with God and fight the battle out before Him...Nothing has any power over the man who has fought out the battle before God and won there...from that point we either go towards a more and more dilatory and useless type of Christian life, or we become more and more ablaze for the glory of God--my utmost for His highest."
->battle out the sin. Every day. Every moment. Till it's won.
Oswald Chambers: "The relation of the natural to the spiritual is one of continuous conversion, and it is the one thing we object to...our natural life must not rule, God must rule in us."
-> How foolish of me to consider I can go one day wihtout dependency on God merely becuase I have had victory over a particular area once or twice...or even most of the time. The victory is not mine--it is God's. I am nothing without Him. The moment I forget that is the moment I surrender to my own will--which always results in sin. Apart from Him there is no freedom from sin--no victory.

Colossians 1:13-15 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.

Habbakkuk 3:18-19 Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength, He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills.

Victory during troubled times becuase assurance and satisifaction comes from the LORD!